Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
