Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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