Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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