I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
