Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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