Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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