It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
