We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
