she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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