here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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