i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
