i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
