I got chris browned last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
