I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
