i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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