Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
