On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
