I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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