best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
