five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
