Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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