Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
