I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
