My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
