i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
