I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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