the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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