this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
