we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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