we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
