I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
