So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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