you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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