people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize