What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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