I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
