Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
