Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
