we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
