i love accidental penises.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
