Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
