Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
