forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
