she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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