evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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