Say something about gay babies.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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