...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize