Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize