Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
