is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
