I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
