Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
