Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
