wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
