i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
