I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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