i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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