I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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