just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Mom said you looked used
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
