ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
