The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
