he thought i was a dude.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
