All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
