the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
