Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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