i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
