I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
