cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
