My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
