how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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