I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize