I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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