I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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