What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
