I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
