remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
