R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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